Momster: Solo Parenting

Soooooooo I've been solo parenting for approximately 8 days and the PIC comes back home tomorrow late at night some time.

PIC had a work trip to Canada and seeing as he's awesome at me going to the gym nearly daily at night for a couple hours - along with trips with my girlfriends - I wished him the best and told him to go.

I PROMISED myself and him that I would not text him on Whatsapp unless it was urgent or positive.
I wanted him to have fun, enjoy himself and have a SOCIAL LIFE and a break.

Here's what happened so far (please bear with me as I look through my newsfeed on Facebook):

Day 1: Everything was normal.  We did a lot of walking...7km of it! and I am obsessed with my "Map My Walk" app (because "Map My Run" just doesn't happen in my life) - and although it's a battery killer because it tracks your location - I still love it.
Oh wait - then A-Man and M-Girl napped a solid 5 hours. I was in a genuine panic because they kept sleeping and sleeping and sleeping.  This never happens! A friend of mine swung by (she works in the healthcare field) and confirmed my kids were fine.
PIC and I were worried about sunstroke from the outdoor playing the day before - but it was fine. They woke up for ice-cream...just nothing else.

Day 2: Nothing weird.  I made a pesto and gouda-stuffed chicken breast wrapped in bacon and slapped that on top of some coconut milk noodles and some spices - pretty darn tasty!
We walked 3.35 km.
Oh! I found out my daughter is pregnant with a teddy bear - and I'm going to be a grandma.

Day 3: M-Girl "girl-splained" my period to A-Man.
She has a tendency to just burst into the bathroom and after her last accident months ago - when we actually tried to have privacy and locked the bathroom door for a somewhat peaceful crap -  we've kept the door mostly unlocked.
So - M and A burst into the bathroom - not because they needed it - just because.  Because they're kids and that's what they do.

I was in the process of cleaning my cup and A-Man panicked and asked what I was doing.

Me: "Um I'm..."
M-Girl: "Se ("it" in Finnish) Mommy's cup.  She has pee-wood (period) and it goes in her China (vagina) because there's blood. Then it no go in Mommy's underwear."
A-Man: "Okay."
M-Girl looks at me, hands me a pad and says: "Here's your band-aid.  Your underwear band-aid.  Put it there.  Okay?"
Children exit the bathroom and slam the door.

She's 3.

Day 4: I made chicken and pesto nachos with the leftover chicken meat :D.
Oh and my daughter corrected my manners when she asked me if I wanted to jump on a crack on the sidewalk.

"Momma - you want to jump?"- M-Girl hopping over cracks on the ground.

"No."

"No THANK YOU. Say it again."

"No thank you M-Girl."

"Good job. That makes me happy. I jump now."

She might be a parrot - but I'm happy she corrected my manners (I was chewing ice-cream).

Day 5: M-Girl had a growth spurt and screeched her head off and wanted a banana.  From this night on - she woke up in 20-30 minutes spurts.

I FELT LIKE DYING.

Day 6: Utter crap.  Kids refused to listen AT ALL.  No amount of bribes or threats could do the trick.

On the flip side - I made home-made gummies using this recipe.  Easy-peasy! Loved them and the kids did too!

I have since made more...they're chilling in the fridge.

M-Girl decided sleep was for the weak and pathetic and offered her skills of waking every 10-15 minutes.  LIKE CLOCK WORK.  

Told the kids we could have a "Super Cleaning Party" only if they're good.  They're pretty pumped.

M-Girl barfed in the middle of the night.  Wahoo...and then continued her 10-15 minutes spurts of sleep.  AKA power napped all night.

Day 7: She barfed again this night but we got to the bathroom in time!! And there were pink streaks. AKA blood.
Boys were asleep and it was nearly 2am.  So we called a cab and returned by 4.

Learning how to prep a throat swap test...

She wore her awesome science girl pajamas and had a blast with the remarkably sweet and kind nurse.
She was thrilled to donate blood to a worthy cause (aka a finger prick test for infections) and it turned out to be really bad strep throat.  Got the prescription to pick up in a few hours and went home via cab.

4am: "Mommy - we need to walk the dogs.  They don't pee and poop in the potty."
She's wide-awake.  She's absolutely correct.  We did it.

I had been awake for 22 hours.  I slept a broken up 4 hours...

Day 7.5 (it felt like they kind of merged together...): We get up and go to downtown via bus to get her prescription of penicillin filled.  Just our luck - none of the downtown locations have it because there was a gap in delivery times.  Had to wait a few hours and go across town to another location - once our family doctor approved the different brand and dosage...

0 shame in admitting I had a meltdown of grand proportions.

Soooooo I washed A-Man's face and he freaked out and it began to BLEED.  I was honestly just trying to do my motherly duty of wiping off the crusty milk stains and poof - blood.
Looked closer and it turned out his face was covered in bump-like zits.

Sent a pic to my nurse friend who said "looks like impetigo - it's highly contagious".

GREAT.  It's after 5pm - so we went to the ER because I have no way to be guaranteed a doctor's appointment the following day...(This comes from experience as it's been 2.5 weeks and I am still waiting on my doctor to send a text to make an appointment...)

I can't get a sitter because my daughter has strep throat...so I get all three dressed and hope it isn't busy.

First thing A-Man says while observing a patient being pushed in a bed by a nurse:
"LOOK MOM! HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD IN THE BED!"
30 seconds later:

"AND ANOTHER ONE! HE'S SO DEAD."

I managed to convince him (once I recovered from trying not to laugh) that the person was asleep...

Within an hour and a half  - which is "forever" in kid language - the doctor writes up a prescription for antibiotic cream to apply to A-Man's face.  And yay - the rest of us can use it too in case it spreads.  Because it's contagious like a...I'm too tired to think of something clever.

But naturally - the system hates me this week.

Mr. Doctor says: "I'm sorry - the prescription isn't going through online.  There's some technical difficulty...are you able to pick it up tomorrow instead?"

Yeah buddy.  I'd rather wait until the following day than wait around or go between pharmacies again within 24 hours.

Then our bus driver didn't acknowledge our request for a stop - and we missed our direct connection to home.  Got home 40-minutes later because my kids have adopted a tortoise/snail/sloth hybrid-lifestyle when it came to walking home from a different bus route...which normally takes 15.

******* At this point - I've lost it.  I'm internally feeling like a beat-up exhausted piece of crap mother with 3 kids that simply don't give a sh*t about my mental health and haven't listened to a word I said after Day 1.
I reached out to a mutual friend of me and PIC and asked her to get his attention so I can call him (she's at the same conference).

He answered within 3 rings (impressive as usually his phone's on silent) and he had read my near violent text messages about everything going on with the kids' health...and I just sat on the floor waiting for M-Girl to finish pooping for the billionth time that day and sobbed my head off.

He was his typical PIC self and said, "Whenever I travel - something comes up.  You know - if it was reversed - it would've happened to me. *awkward chuckling*"

Not, "You got this.  You're awesome.  Drink wine.  Eat ice-cream."  Just his simple matter-of-fact support. 

Plus side of this day?  V-Man apparently knows how to use my roll-on deoderant and smelled way better than any of us.  Especially his knee caps.

I had to buy a new one because he used it all...but at least he knows what to do - right?!

Day 8: Apparently my daughter can scream so loud in a massive grocery store that the live accordion band will stop and wait before continuing to play.  And they're on the other side of the building.  And there was a strip show involved.  Her - not me.

She also spilled a full cup of milk because I went to throw something in the trash...I left the kitchen for all of 4 seconds.  Then V-Man followed her out of the kitchen with a duvet to soak up the mess.

Day 8.5-ish: She peed in the bed today.  Not her own that has a protective sheet.  PIC's.
But at least she's sleeping a few hours at a time now before whining and screaming for me.
Kids went to bed around midnight (V-Man) and 12:30am ...which is the ONLY reason why I am awake writing this...at 2:21am.

Good grief this was a crazy long post!

But - PIC is back within 24 hours...then I plan on taking the dogs and escaping to my flat.

SURELY WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN IN 24 HOURS?!

XOXO
BIMU

PS Kudos to all you single parents/caregivers/guardians out there...I have supported my local alcohol shop by slowly drinking my bag of wine and completely forgot to celebrate Midsummer with my cider that's chilling in the fridge.

Momster: Stranger Danger and Mama Bear Defcon 5000

I am very grateful I live in Finland - a parenting paradise when it comes to raising children.
Giving birth here is simple, to the point, health care is excellent and the focus of this country is on the children and raising a family.
Finns keep to themselves and I've never had someone try to get too close to me (aka rub the belly) unless they asked first and actually knew me...

Once in a blue moon - I experience Momster rage.
I'm lying - I experience Momster rage all the f*cking time with my kids - but today was different.

Again, who am I kidding?
This morning was f*cking horrible.
Why?!

1. I was taking a poo (don't laugh - you do it too) while my bread machine was doing its thang and making our yummy croissant dough (for the first time may I add).
   While I was doing my thang - my lovely M-Girl decided to chop up 2½ pages of price tags I needed to get rid of my junk for the second-hand store.
2. Once I noticed she had been getting all crafty/artsy fartsy with my Fiskars adult-sized scissors and price tags (at 50 cents a sheet - no big deal - but I obviously can't use them when they look more like Happy Birthday ruffled banners can I?)...I noticed she had been colouring on herself again.  With a Copic marker - aka PERMANENT.
3. What's wrong with that?  Well, she had coloured lovely tattoos and her own interpretations of us as a family (aka squiggly stick drawings)  ALL OVER HER BODY yesterday.  Issue was that it didn't come off.  At all.  So I used a homemade chia seed lavender soap and got half of it off the following day.
4. She was now a dark blue speckled Smurfette and I was livid.  She hated the scrubby soap - but tough luck.  I tossed her back in the shower scrubbed the heck out of her again and it thankfully came off because it was fresh ink.  (Lord help me if she gets tattoos as frequently as she draws on herself...)
   So, I take a look at the living room - walls are fine - but sofa...not so much.  Because she drew with that very royal blue permanent marker on a piece of paper with the sofa as the back drop.
   
   THANKFULLY - the sofa is dark grey.  With dark blue blotches on it...

So my nerves were already shot - safe to say.  This all happened before 8:20am too.

But we had things to do and damn it - we were doing it.

So I rented a table at the local second-hand shop and had some things ready to go.  I packed what I could and we hauled butt (me, V-Man and her) to catch our connecting bus downtown.

Guess what? They don't connect because the one we needed to the shop  - left five minutes prior to our arrival.  Next one was in 30 minutes.

Fine.  We'll sit there and avoid the frustrating grunting demands that the V-Man had (from wanting to eat out) - and just chill.
Thankfully (sadly) there was a fire truck nearby with lights flashing - so that occupied my kids for a bit.

Then the stranger danger occurred.

Remember, I live in Finland.  Parents let their kids nap in a stroller outside without fear of their kid being kidnapped because - common sense! - who wants to steal someone else's kid that you'd have to feed/clothe/bathe etc?!

This woman came stumbling nearby and while I didn't smell alcohol on her (it wasn't even 10am yet and yes there are drunks in our town at that time of the day) - she was clearly "on something".

I had seen her before running about and figured maybe she had places to go and also needed a toilet.

Well, she sidled up to us and sat down beside us - which is fine - everyone is entitled to sit where they want.

My issue right away was that she was blowing cigarette smoke in our faces and I would prefer to avoid that.

So I quietly moved my kids away from her and the massive Ikea bag of stuff I was bringing to my table - and what did she do?
She struck up a conversation in Finnish - which I politely ignored (primarily because it was just babble) and then realized at the end she muttered she was going to stick with us.

I was on automatic alert then - because I simply don't know what she was on and she really did stick with us.

She finished her cigarette while talking to M-Girl (who is the friendliest little thing and clueless with strangers) and once she put it out - she asked me where to go via a certain bus.

She didn't understand my Finnish and thought I said I was going to a hardware store...fine - I don't care.

Then she grabbed V-Man's ball cap on his head - and he started making threatening grunting and moaning sounds.

This amused her and while his hat was still on his head - he was pulling away from her and clearly stressing out as he was gripping his fists closed, hitting his chest and groaning "UM!" (In Finnish it's "en" - "I don't want") and looking at me with a "WTF?!" look on his face.

I put my bag down (and a set of kid skis) and told her in Finnish loud and clear to not touch him.

An elderly woman came nearby and she was also sticking her hand in between my son and this woman's hand because she began to grip my son's shoulder and M-Girl was close enough for her to grab as well.

This kinder stranger warned her that the police were on their way - a million thanks super hero elderly lady!

I have never experienced Mama Bear rage (aka Defcon level 5000) until that moment.

I yelled at her to go away and while she stopped touching his hat - her hand was still on his shoulder. Her eyes were wide and a little out of it - and that's when I suspected it was something stronger than cheap booze and I was ready to lay a beating down on her if she didn't let go of my kid.

I pushed her hand away and waited for her to touch him again, my daughter or me and I was ready.

Thankfully, the cops in an un-marked van pulled up and pulled her away and she went fairly peacefully into the back of their van.

I smiled at the elderly lady in thanks and as the way of the Finns - we didn't say anything more and continued to wait for the buses we needed.

It's only afterward when I realized what could've happened - some ideas more ridiculous than others:

• She could've hurt my kids.
• She could've tried to hurt me.
• I could've seriously hurt her and gone to jail.
• She could've pushed my kids in front of a bus. (This was the more ridiculous idea.)

I was a shaking mess afterward.  Drunks here are typically quite friendly and I am sure her intent was harmless.  Typically they keep their hands to themselves though - which is why I got all Mama Bear Defcon 5000...and after the first time saying to leave your kid alone - they usually stumble off.

M-Girl was confused (V-Man acted like nothing happened) and asked why the police took that woman away.

I explained that she wasn't feeling well and drank too much grown-up juice and had to see a doctor. She seemed to accept that and then our bus came ten minutes later.

I'm sure the fact that V-Man didn't answer any of her mumbling questions was a very interesting thing for her and probably she was fascinated and thought even briefly we didn't understand Finnish - very intriguing indeed.

I guess this is was one of those situations that is a true nightmare for parents/guardians of non-verbal children.  That they cannot help themselves.  They can't fight back necessarily.

They can't yell for help perhaps.

It makes me more aware of what it's like to be helpless and not have your wishes understood and to not have a voice.

And I can truly sympathize with the non-verbal community that it f*cking sucks at times.

BIMU

PS I am not the violent type at all - and haven't been in a fist fight - ever... but when push comes to shove - that adrenaline rush of fear, anger and frustration can really come in handy sometime.

A Side of Autism: Summer

I hate summer only because I am clueless with things to do with the kids when they have 10 weeks off.
But as it stands - for the month of June - I only have 2 kids at home plus 2 dogs.
A-Man is still attending day-care for this month and I'm trying to clean the place up (clearly - as I am sitting here blogging) and get rid of stuff.

That's right - I am beginning to CLEAN and de-clutter crap and I have a table rented at the second-hand shop to do so.

Currently, M-Girl is snoozing on the sofa for her nap and V-Man is beside me scrolling through Netflix!

If you didn't see my post on Instagram lately - my big guy won a stipend/award from his school for being the most improved student in his class.
Every year, the teachers vote for a student - one male and one female - from each grade and they get a special certificate and a bit of spending money as a treat.

I found out beforehand that he was getting the award and didn't realize the significance of this right away until his therapists clapped and cheered and everyone around the table seemed thrilled about this.

His teacher, Mrs. S said it was an easy unanimous vote and very well deserved.

I felt my heart swell with pride and while his party was on Saturday (they do graduations on Saturdays here in Finland) at 8:30 in the morning - I was excited to go.
PIC was supposed to go to it but after some discussion - decided it was a bit silly for him to go because he doesn't understand or speak much Finnish at all.

We were placed in a separate room off of the main stage room due to space and sadly couldn't hear a freaking thing because while the graduation was shown on a projector screen in real time - the sound was turned off.

I asked a teacher why this was and he said it would echo and cause the mics to go all screechy.

So I have no idea what was said and could barely make out what was on their screen in terms of lyrics to sing along to...

But I DID manage to get to the other room and watch V-Man protest going to the stage for his reward.
Once he did receive it - he was full of smiles (and he's missing about 4-5 teeth in the front and rocking the ol' man look easily) and seemed to understand he did something really good.

I had written down a list of things that he now enjoys from his therapists and one of them was DUPLO.
Chunky Lego.  Things I can see better and hopefully not skate across the room on...and guess what? With all that cleaning I started - I actually found a TON of it and haven't had to buy any!
(Just kidding - I'm going to buy more - second hand... to reduce the fights, screams and tears among ourselves while some practical building is ongoing...)

So now the V-Man's favourite things to do are:

1. Eat nachos.  We go through 2 jumbo bags a week of them.
2. Skim through Netflix.  PIC has it set up on his Xbox thing and V-Man cruises through - in and out of shows and he loves it.  
1. At first PIC was ticked off about the 10-seconds (max) blips of shows starting and whatnot - but then we realized, it calms the V-Man down somehow and he enjoys it.  He's not being rough with the controller and he's quietly enjoying what HE can handle.
3. Hike like a boss.  This kid went for a 2-hours or longer hike with PIC the other day and they had a blast!  
1. He also enjoys walking with Loki using the Flexi-leash.  I realize some people have a love-hate relationship with that kind of leash but Loki is such a chill dog and is also 9-years old - that a Flexi works for him - and for the kids.
4. "Play with Duplo" - by "play" I mean he hands you the piece and you put it on the Duplo base mat thing.  Although...if I have to go tend to something else - he seems to be able to build and take them off. ;)
5. Youtube - same deal.  He skims and finds things he loves to watch and it's awesome.  He loves those un-wrapping toys/Kinder eggs videos, food reviews (a child after my own heart), toy reviews and snippets of his favourite movies.  I've learned that he's obsessed with Frozen sing-along videos...
6. Clean. Yeah - he doesn't get it from me.
7. Colouring - it's not in the lines.  I don't expect it to be! He has fun with coloured pencils and markers and just doodling whatever on paper.

He doesn't nap at all - so we don't press it.  We encourage him to go outside as much as possible to balance out his lack of a nap and he loves it.  He's not as fussy now when it comes to direction and almost always is willing to go your way.

He's also warming up to the idea of going to the playground which is nice - and enjoys the swings! He's also started learning how to play with sand - which is also exciting.

Until next time!
BIMU

PS it was hailing/snowing and raining the first couple of days of JUNE...safe to say - I am not getting my tan on this year.